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20.
I wasn't getting enough to eat on ONE
diet so I had to go on THREE.
19.
Its winter and I need the extra insulation
to keep me warm.
18.
I went to the gym and somebody was on
my machine so I realized everything happens
for a reason and it wasn't meant to be.
17.
I went to the gym and there was no lifeguard
on duty in case the rowing machine sank.
I complained to the manager but they threw
me out.
16.
Turns out I didn't really mean it.
15.
My other resolution to quit being a cranky
jerk all the time wasn't compatible with
my low-carb diet.
14. There
was a big game on...Wheel of Fortune is
a game, right?
13.
My DVR broke so I couldn't fast-forward
past all the food commercials.
12.
I figured since rice cakes don't have
many calories, the same was true of other
cakes. Like fudge cake. And pancakes.
With syrup. And fudge.
11.
My personal trainer called and said if
I didn't show up for my session on Friday,
don't bother showing up on Monday. Woohoo!
4 day weekend!
10.
No ashtrays on the treadmills at the gym.
How do they expect me stay on that thing
for an hour without a cigarette break?
It's not like that little TV can keep
my mind off how painful and boring it
is to hammer away on that thing at 1.2
mph for 60 minutes.
9.
Krispy Kreme hasn't come out with an Olestra-filled
donut (that they've told us, at least...I
have my suspicions).
8.
Billy Mays (that bearded infomercial guy)
hasn't come out with a Mighty Putty strong
enough to keep my mouth shut at the all-you-can-eat
buffet.
7.
The economy is in such rough shape, it's
hard to afford the new clothes I'll have
to buy as I get smaller so it'll have
to wait until I get a bailout.
6.
I have to buy junk foods "for the
kids" even though they don't really
need that stuff either and I don't actually
HAVE any kids or KNOW any kids.
5.
I messed up and ate a chip on Day 2 so
I gave up until next January's resolution
season.
4.
I need to get in better shape before I
can join a gym...to get in better shape.
3.
I made a resolution to give up drinking
so I could lose weight but I did it while
I was drunk so I forgot.
2.
I don't want to insult my co-workers by
not eating birthday cake at the office
every single day, even when I have to
bring it myself.
1.
I'm waiting for President Obama to lose
the weight for me.
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