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Being
on a diet is NOT the end of the world!
Sure, it's usually
the end of your enjoyment of food…at least,
for awhile…like until you've paid for all
your PREVIOUS enjoyment of food. But know this:
it doesn't have to be like that the WHOLE time.
It's all in how
you LOOK at the foods you're eating…
So I've compiled
a list of my top 10 all-time favorite diet foods.
Though let me tell you right up front, these foods
have made it onto the list by virtues that may
not be immediately obvious (you'll see what I
mean in a second).
You see, they're
NOT your typical diet foods like rice cakes and
chicken breasts…
10. Triple Cheeseburgers
This is a STAPLE
diet food that should be on everyone's list. Why?
Because you will burn a TON of calories constantly
catching that middle burger patty that keeps shooting
out the back of the bun from all the grease every
time you bite into it.
And if you're worried
about getting too many calories from the sandwich
itself, just remove the lettuce and tomato - all
that healthy crap does is slow down the fatty
meat clawing its way through your digestive tract.
9. Pizza
Pizza is the PERFECT
diet food, according to the Government Food Pyramid.
How so, you ask?
Just look at it!
First, you've got "grains" making up
the bottom of the pizza (just like the bottom
of the pyramid)…a delicious, thick nutritionless
white flour gob. Next up, you've got the dairy
group - cheese, of course (lots of great calcium
to be found there, which can enhance fat-burning
by up to 1/25 of a percent)! You've also got your
vegetables (unless you get your pizza with no
vegetables, in which case you'll have to count
pepperoni as a vegetable, which I am FINE with,
by the way). Finally, you've got the meat group…right
on top.
Good eating and
a perfect match to the food pyramid, in structure
if not intent!
8. Cold Beer
Do you have any
idea how many calories your body burns simply
warming up cold beer to body temperature in your
stomach? No? Good...because ignorance is VERY
important for making this tip work.
You see every time
you eat or drink a food that is colder than body
temperature, your body must expend heat warming
that food up. A single bottle of cold beer will
cause the body to burn almost 8,000 calories (give
or take) warming it up to body temperature.
And believe me,
there have been studies that back this up. In
fact, the more beer that was "studied,"
the higher that number went up!
This technique works
well with soda, too. But not that "diet"
garbage - you want to go with the REAL stuff.
It has to contain at least 48 grams of high fructose
corn syrup per 30 gram serving to maximize fat
burning (that GIANT insulin spike followed by
the tremendous crash in blood sugar burns a TON
of calories).
7. Rice Krispie Squares
Everybody knows
Rice Krispies are made up almost entirely of air.
So eating Rice Krispie squares is just like eating
air. That thick layer of fudge on the top is just
required to keep the squares from floating away.
It's a totally guilt-free snack. In fact, eat
the whole pan and you'll actually get LIGHTER
because you're eating so much air.
6. French Fries
It's a FACT that
French people have lower blood pressure and cholesterol
than Americans. Obviously, this is because they
eat more FRENCH Fries. So the trick is to eat
more French Fries. I'm telling you…ya just
can't make this stuff up.
5. Pizza Again
It's just that good
of a diet food. I mean, how many foods do you
know that you can dramatically change their calorie
content just by how you slice them?
Think about it…let's
say in a normal large pizza, you cut it into 8
pieces. That's a LOT of calories and you PROBABLY
won't lose weight when you eat the whole thing.
But cut that same large pizza into FOUR slices?
You've just cut your calories in HALF. So when
you eat the whole thing, you're only eating HALF
the number of slices. Do the math and you'll see.
Also, pizza is a
round food and everybody knows that round foods
have fewer calories than square foods - no corners…duh.
4. Anything That
Has Fallen On The Floor
It automatically
loses ALL calorie content. This rule only applies,
however, if it happens by ACCIDENT. And the dog
gets first dibs.
3. Twinkies
Since Twinkies cannot
technically be considered food (in a nuclear war,
they will outlast even cockroaches), you're welcome
to eat as many of these as you want. They are
also VERY valuable for appetite control. Don't
believe me? Eat a dozen of these colon-stoppers
and see how your appetite is.
2. Chinese Food
I'm not talking
"American" Chinese food with the almond
chicken and ginger beef…I'm talking CHINESE
Chinese food. And if you've been to China and
have seen the things hanging in the unrefrigerated
shop windows, you know EXACTLY what I'm talking
about and why eating those things will help you
lose weight FAST…
1. "Sports"
Water
In other words,
water with that great "sporty" taste
of corn syrup, artificial flavor and fresh-squeezed
potassium benzoate! In fact, I have to say "kudos"
to the corporations who found a way to create
a market out of complete bullsh*t!... And then
lash out for people having to do (GOD FORBID)
MORE exercise, to burn off those 60 extra ass-growing
calories found in the other guys bottle of stupid
sports water. Like just being alive for an extra
45 minutes won't burn THAT off. Cripes.
Sorry...bit of a
tangent there.
CONCLUSION:
If, at this point,
you're still wondering if this is a SERIOUS article,
the answer is "yes." I really, truly,
totally believe triple cheeseburgers can be part
of a balanced diet…
But only if you've
got one in each hand.
Now, if you ARE
looking for some REAL fat-loss information, I've
got a GREAT source for you to check out:
Tom
Venuto's "Burn The Fat Inner Circle"
Site
I've known Tom for
years and he is definitely one of THE most knowledgeable
trainers I know when it comes to burning fat.
In fact, you might say, he wrote the book on it
("Burn
the Fat, Feed The Muscle").
With his "Inner
Circle" site, Tom has put together an incredible
fat-loss COMMUNITY online - if you're having trouble
burning fat or need help, DEFINITELY check out
this site.
In it, you'll find
articles, fat-loss questions and answers, expert
contributors, workout programs, motivational audio
interviews and above all, SUPPORT from a friendly
group of people who share your physique goals
and who are in it to HELP each other achieve them!
If you're interested
in fat loss, this is good stuff. I HIGHLY recommend
it.
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