1.
Taking Up Space
If
you've been to a gym and watched somebody just
kind of standing around looking lost, then you've
seen this type. They work their way slowly from
one end of the gym to the other, getting in the
way and doing a few half-hearted dumbell curls
every 10 minutes.
2. The Copycat
You
can have some fun with the Copycat. When you notice
them watching what you're doing (because you know
they're going to copy you), do something extremely
goofy and pretend that it works incredibly well.
Chances are, when you've moved on to your next
exercise, the Copycat is going to try it. Just
like dueling banjos.
3. The Hindenburg
If
you're having gastrointenstinal difficulties,
don't do squats (or sit-ups). That just doesn't
work out well for anybody. The humanity!
4. The Wannabe Powerlifter
Powerlifting
is a tremendous sport. Watching somebody who is
trying to powerlift but doesn't know how and is
doing it all wrong can be tremendously funny.
If you've ever watched somebody cinch a belt up
so tight they look like a wasp then do a knee-buckling
quarter squat with way too much weight, you know
what I'm talking about.
5. The Pro
"There
is only one right way to do things and everything
else everybody does is all wrong and I'm the only
who knows what they're doing and if you don't
like it I'm going to take my dumbells and go home."
6. The Ignorant Personal Trainer
Every
gym has them and I don't have any idea how they
slip through the cracks. They teach bad exercises
and poor form to unfortunate clients who just
don't know any better. Then they answer their
cell phone while they're spotting!
7. Fountainhead
Stop
hogging the water fountain and let someone else
have a turn! Fill up your water bottle at home
- don't stand there for five minutes while the
trickle from the fountain slowly fills your gallon
jug. That goes double for backwashing into the
fountain.
8. Mr. Sweaty Bench
If
you sweat so much that you slide off the back
end a FLAT bench when you lie down, bring a towel,
for crying out loud! And please, please, PLEASE
wipe it off when you're done. Don't make me have
to invent a standing bench press exercise.
9. The Inventor
Sometimes
new exercises or techniques work and sometimes
they land you right on your head. The Inventor
will get back up and try again, sometimes performing
the most incredibly effective movements you've
never seen. I know because I am an Inventor! But
put together a bad Inventor and a Copycat and
you've got trouble!
10. The Houseguest
If
you've ever seen someone walk into the gym carrying
a gym bag big enough to stash a body in and full
of so much stuff that they could live on an island
for a month, you've seen the Houseguest at work.
Three hours later, when they leave the gym, they
even have the keys to lock up.
11. Rollin' Rollin' Rollin'
No
need to carry that dumbell to your bench, just
roll it! After all, that's why they're round,
right?
12. Beyond B.O.
It's
not a crime to take a shower. If a cloud follows
you around like Pig Pen in the Charlie Brown comics,
you may want to look into that bathing thing.
Be sure to read Part 1 of "The
Gym Personality Guide!"
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