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Sometimes,
when a person sets foot inside the gym, they turn
into a whole other person. If you've been to pretty
much any gym in the world, you are sure to recognize
the people you're about to read about...
1. Smell Me Madge, I Soaked In It.
You
can detect this person coming before they even
set foot inside the door of the gym. Little tip:
it's fine to wear a little perfume or cologne
to the gym but don't soak your clothes in it.
Have a shower instead.
2. Obsessive Compulsive Rep Counter
Like
a meditation mantra, the numbers get counted until
the specific magic number has been reached. To
really have some fun, stand behind this person
as they do their set and start saying random numbers
out loud as they count.
3. Leisure Suit Larry In Gym Shorts
Looking
for love in all the wrong places. Often a colgne-soaker
and always on the prowl, even constant and harsh
rejection from every single female he encounters
(including the potted plants) doesn't seem to
slow Larry down.
4. Don't Make Me Lift That Heavy Thing
If
you've ever watched someone monopolize the 2-pound
neoprene dumbells for 20 minutes, you've seen
this person in action. Fear of developing massive,
icky-looking, veiny muscles from even looking
at anything heavier than a Rice Krispie Treat
keeps this person away from the weights that actually
have numbers written on them. I've seen a person
like this straining with a novelty dumbell pen.
5. You Don't Need A Jack For That Car Now That
I'm Here
Cinch
that weight belt up until you look like a big
red Pop 'n Fresh doughboy in a corset, it's time
to do 3 inch, hunched-over, bowl-legged, shaky-leg
squats! There's something to be said for lifting
within your means (and for not cinching your weight
belt up so tight that you c--p yourself during
a set).
6. Where's The Ashtray For This Treadmill?
You
can always spot the person who's at the gym against
their will and under doctors orders. They are
doing as little as possible as slowly as possible
and are always looking for somebody to work in
with them so that they can stop.
7. The Bouncy Bench Press Crew
Young
males travelling in packs of 3 or more, hogging
the bench press for uncounted sets of trampoline-like
reps with far too much weight while their training
partners yell "it's all you" as though
it really is. I hear the concave chest look is
"in" this year...
8. Please Don't Wear That
Some
people simply should NOT wear spandex and I can't
figure out why they do. I'll leave it at that.
9. The Brick Wall
No
matter how much anybody tells this person that
the exercise they're doing is going to shatter
their spine, they continue to pig-headedly do
it anyway because their 9th grade gym teacher
taught it to them 26 years ago.
10. The Beast
You'll
often see this person banging their head against
the concrete wall to psych themselves up for a
set because "drywall is just too soft."
11. The Mountain Man
Apparently,
he just walked in from taking down some trees
in the backcountry and didn't have time to change
out of his dirty sweatpants, flannel shirt and
work boots before heading to the gym.
12. The Gym Bunny
If
you're not in the gym for a serious workout, but
to set the stair machine on 1 and try desperately
hard not to sweat and mess up your precious hair
and makeup, hop yourself out the door. Leisure
Suit Larry is hanging out in the parking lot waiting
someone... ANYONE.
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