Rant
#1 - Why Does Everything Makes Us Fat Or Causes
Cancer?
It
seems like we can't eat or drink anything these
days without being told it'll make us fat or cause
cancer.
We
try to eat canned tuna to eat less fat and we
get mercury poisoning. We eat fruit and vegetables
for the vitamins and fiber and the pesticides
give us tumors. We eat chicken and we get mad
chicken disease and now farm-raised salmon will
give you swine flu. Wine is either good or bad
for you depending on whether you eat it with cheese
or with crackers!
What
ever happened to the good old days when we got
fat from eating too much pie and we got sick from
eating too much paint off the walls? Now I hear
you can get cancer from worrying about getting
cancer.
Rant #2 - Low-Carb Beer
Do
beer companies seriously believe that they can
get people to believe that they're selling diet
beer? With all their talk about who has 1 gram
less carbs in a tablespoon than the other, they
seem to forget that it's actually the ALCOHOL
in their product that makes you fat!
Not
only does alcohol basically snuff out your fat-burning
enzymes, it's also preferentially stored as fat
and seriously messes up your body's production
of muscle-building hormones such as testosterone.
I guess
saying "low-carb" does sound better
than saying "watered-down." Next they'll
be adding caffeine and Gatorade to it and be calling
it "high-performance beer."
Rant #3 - "Nutrient of
the Week" Bandwagon Marketing
Did
you hear? Froot Loops are now healthy because
they contain added calcium! They contain added
calcium because someone decided to add a big bag
of chalk to the sugary goop they make it out of.
You can now feed it to your sugar-crazed A.D.D.
kids with a clear conscience because it's now
healthy for them because it has CALCIUM.
I'm
waiting for the day when a clever marketer takes
a piece of plain blackboard chalk and sells it
as a "Calcium Stir Stick" for your coffee.
I also
just love it when a product that's been around
for 30 years suddenly proclaims it's now "fat
free" or "low-carb" even though
it's always been and everybody knows it. "Fat
Free" or "Low-Carb" water is not
the revolutionary product it's made out to be.
But
what really takes the cake are vitamin companies
that proudly jump on the nutrient bandwagon crying
"See! We've had it all along!" when
their pills are so tightly compressed and unabsorbable
you can still read the brand stamp on them when
they come out the other end (I have it on good
authority from a certain Port-o-Potty specialist
I know)!
Rant #4 - Making Low-Carb Foods
Out Of Foods That Shouldn't Be Low-Carb
Orange
juice just shouldn't be low-carb. I don't care
what they say. If I want low-carb orange juice
I'll add my own water instead of paying the juice
company to add it for me and charge me extra for
the privilege. That's all I have to say about
that.
Rant #5 - Trying to Pass Unhealthy
Foods Off As Healthy
Pork
Rinds Lite - now with 25% less fat, sodium, cholesterol,
lead and cyanide.
Even
if you take some token percentage of the bad stuff
out of a bad food, it's still going to be a bad
food. It's like buying reduced fat lard - it's
still lard. It just has a nicer name now. Anyway,
it's so easy to reduce the fat in a serving by
making the serving smaller, what's the point?
Who's going to sit down and eat just 3 cheese
doodles?
When
I eat a food I know is bad, I know it's bad but
sometimes I'm just going to eat it anyway. I'm
not an idiot. I'm not going to sue you for making
unhealthy food. Nobody is putting a gun to my
head to eat it. I don't believe for a second that
slightly reducing the "perceived naughtiness"
of a food somehow now makes it "healthy."
So please don't try and sugarcoat this delicious
garbage unless it's for flavor.
Rant #6 - The Amazing Diet Patch
The
only way you'll lose weight with the Diet Patch
is if you put it over your mouth. 'Nuff said.
Rant #7 - Expensive Urine and
Other Supplement Bashing
There
are doctors even to this day who believe that
taking vitamins will only result in expensive
urine. They believe that you can get all the vitamins
and minerals you need in a balanced diet. Unfortunately,
the only balanced diet some people get is when
they're trying to carry 3 dishes to the table
in one hand.
Jumping
straight to prescribing costly drugs to mask symptoms
to people who are probably just desperately in
need of basic nutrition is the epitome of expensive
urine, in my opinion.
And
then there's creatine. You may remember the buzz
a few years ago when some of the "don't-confuse-us-with-the-facts"
media jumped on a story about the deaths of some
high school wrestlers. They were taking creatine
to improve their performance so obviously it must
have killed them. It certainly wasn't because
they were taking long steam baths in rubber suits
and exercising intensely without drinking adequate
water in order to desperately make weight for
a wrestling meet. It must have been the horrible
supplement that did it because nobody has ever
died from catastrophic dehydration or heat stroke,
right?
Let
me clarify - there is nothing dangerous about
creatine. It's a natural substance already found
in your body in quantity. It's found in every
piece of meat that you eat. The only way creatine
could hurt you is if someone drops a bucket of
it on your foot.
Supplements
only seem to make the news when somebody has something
bad to say about them, regardless of whether it's
true or not.
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