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Almost
every single gym in the world has a piece of equipment
in it that every member hates to use. It sits
in the corner like a mousetrap, waiting for the
next victim to get close. I've traveled the world
in search of the worst of these diabolical machines
(well, not really, but you get the idea).
Keep
in mind, these are real pieces of equipment that
I've actually used (but not for long!).
1. The Power Rack With Aluminum
Safety Rails
If
a rack has safety rails that are 1 inch in diameter,
weigh 3 pounds each and are BENT, stay far, far
away.
2. The Eight-Foot Pulldown Machine
Hhave
you ever used a pulldown machine where you needed
to stand up on the seat to be able to reach the
bar? It's about as practical as playing golf with
a bowling ball (a little tricky to get into position
if you're using more than your bodyweight too).
3. The Back-Breaker Crunch Machine
Try
a rep in this thing. It'll fold you up like an
enchilada and not in a good way. That sharp, shooting
pain in your lower back does NOT mean your abs
are working.
4. The Short and Skinny Flat Bench
I have
no idea who built this thing as I've only ever
seen it one gym but this guy needs to be fired.
This wonderfully unstable twelve-inch long bench
is perfect for exercises that don't require a
good base of support or pretty much any support
at all. It was the only "bench" in the
entire gym that wasn't nailed down so it was all
I had to use for 500-pound partial bench presses.
Fun!
5. The Shoulder-Separator Flye
Machine
The
designers of this machine must not have realized
that your shoulders don't bend backwards quite
as far as they go forward. Never before had I
seen a machine that almost made your elbows touch
behind your back for a "complete" stretch.
6. The Self-Impaling Cable Row
Machine
I
quite like cable row machines that have a support
pad for your chest. I encountered one version
that had a pad that was all of 2 square inches
and set so that it pressed directly into your
solar plexus as you rowed. It was like getting
punched in the guts with every rep!
7. The Trampoline Stair Machine
What
could be better than a stair machine that automatically
shoots your one leg back up so fast as you push
the other one down that you almost knock your
teeth out with your knee? How about an escalator.
8. The Crooked Smith Machine
Normally
when you look at the bar on a Smith Machine, it
is horizontal. Not this thing. I must confess,
I didn't actually use it though. The fact that
everyone who did any exercises on this machine
walked away leaning at a 20-degree angle kind
of scared me off.
9. The Seatless Stationary Bike
I
didn't actually use this one either, for reasons
too painful to discuss.
10. The Knee-Cracker Leg Extension
Machine
The
leg extension is not the healthiest exercise for
your knees to begin with but the designer of this
machine for some reason felt it necessary to enhance
this danger by inclining the seat. Imagine doing
a leg extension with your hips down, your knees
up level with your chest and your heels forced
back underneath your butt. When the sounds of
someone crushing bubble wrap comes out of your
knees, you know something is not quite right with
the machine.
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