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Oiler
coach Bum Phillips: When asked by Bob Costas
why he takes his wife on all the road trips,
Phillips responded, "Because she is too
ugly to kiss good-bye."
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New
Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked
about the upcoming season:"I want to
rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes
first."
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And,
upon hearing Joe Jacoby of the 'Skins say
"I'd run over my own mother to win the
Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders
said, "To win, I'd run over Joe's mom
too."
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Football
commentator and former player Joe Theismann
1996: "Nobody in football should be called
a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
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Senior
basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh:
"I'm going to graduate on time, no matter
how long it takes."
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Bill
Peterson, a Florida State football coach:
"You guys line up alphabetically by height."
and "You guys pair up in groups of three,
then line up in a circle."
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Clemson
recruit Ray Forsythe, who was ineligible as
a freshman because of academic requirements:
"I play football. I'm not trying to be
a professor. The tests don't seem to make
sense to me, measuring your brain on stuff
I haven't been through in school."
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Boxing
promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up
again with promoter Don King: "Why would
anyone expect him to come out smarter? He
went to prison for three years, not Princeton."
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Stu
Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining
why he keeps a color photo of himself above
his locker: "That's so when I forget
how to spell my name, I can still find my
clothes."
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Shaquille
O'Neal on whether he had visited the Parthenon
during his visit to Greece: "I can't
really remember the names of the clubs that
we went to."
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Shaquille
O'Neal, on his lack of championships: "I've
won at every level, except college and pro."
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Lou
Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan
training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota:
"He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock
in the morning regardless of what time it
is."
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Pat
Williams, Orlando Magic general manager, on
his team's 7-27 record: "We can't win
at home. We can't win on the road.. As general
manager, I just can't figure out where else
to play." (1992)
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Chuck
Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player,
explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared
nervous at practice: "My sister's expecting
a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be
an uncle or an aunt." (1982)
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Tommy
Lasorda , Dodger manager, when asked what
terms Mexican-born pitching sensation Fernando
Valenzuela might settle for in his upcoming
contract negotiations: "He wants Texas
back." (1981)
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Darrell
Royal, Texas football coach, asked if the
abnormal number of Longhorn injuries that
season resulted from poor physical conditioning:
"One player was lost because he broke
his nose. How do you go about getting a nose
in condition for football?" (1966)
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Mike
McCormack, coach of the hapless Baltimore
Colts after the team's co-captain, offensive
guard Robert Pratt, pulled a hamstring running
onto the field for the coin toss against St.
Louis: "I'm going to send the injured
reserve players out for the toss next time."
(1981)
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Steve
Spurrier, Florida football coach, telling
Gator fans that a fire at Auburn's football
dorm had destroyed 20 books: "But the
real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored
yet." (1991)
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Jim
Finks, New Orleans Saints G.M., when asked
after a loss what he thought of the refs:
"I'm not allowed to comment on lousy
officiating." (1986)
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Alan
Kulwicki, stock car racer, on racing Saturday
nights as opposed to Sunday afternoons: "It's
basically the same, just darker." (1991)
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Lincoln
Kennedy, Oakland Raiders tackle, on his decision
not to vote: "I was going to write myself
in, but I was afraid I'd get shot." (1996)
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Frank
Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player:
"I told him, 'Son, what is it with you.
Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Coach,
I don't know and I don't care.' " (1991)
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Torrin
Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his
coach, John Jenkins: "He treats us like
men. He lets us wear earrings." (1991)
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Shelby
Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M,
recounting what he told a player who received
four F's and one D: "Son, looks to me
like you're spending too much time on one
subject." (1987)
