Fair
warning, it's not going to be pretty...
Horror Story #1 - Tuna and Ceral
This
is the most vomitorious of the recipes I've ever
tried. I was bored one day and was looking for
a way to increase the protein content of my Mini-Wheats.
So naturally, dumping a can of tuna into it was
the way to go.
Really,
really, really bad.
Horror Story #2 - Dry Potatoes
and Canned Chicken Meat With Accidental Cinnamon
So
here's me thinking that I wanted to keep the fat
content of this meal down so I didn't add any
butter to the potatoes and cooked them up really
good in the microwave (which basically burns all
the moisture right out of them). Great start.
Then
I figured what better way to add moisture than
by opening a can of chicken directly onto the
potatoes. Yep, sounding more and more delicious.
Then
in my infinite wisdom and skill, I figured, let's
throw on a little something spicy for flavor...some
chili powder...which, of course, turned out to
be cinnamon, which of course is just gross on
canned chicken and dry potatoes.
But
I ate it anyway because I was hungry and too lazy
to make something else...
Horror Story# 3 - Kitchen Sink
Dessert
This
actually has a double meaning to it...First, I
put in everything BUT the kitchen sink. Second,
it all ENDED UP in the kitchen sink by the time
I tasted it.
I started
with soem melted-down fat-free chocolate ice cream...then
some vanilla extract, then some red Jello mix,
then graham crackers, then a little cinnamon (on
purpose this time), then a little more cinnamon,
then way too much cinnamon, then some skim milk,
then something else that I can't remember anymore
but probably should've left out.
Then
I mixed it all up in the bowl and tasted it.
It
was like getting smacked in the face with a sour
chocolate-covered cinnamon cracker brick. Not
nice. And that's where part 2 of the kitchen sink
came into play.
Horror Story #4 - Bacon Fat
Sculpture
When
I first started using Low-Carb diets many years
ago, I realized I actually quite liked bacon.
And I ended up eating it WAY too much. Heck, low-carb
I can get away with it, right?
Well,
from a nutritional standpoint, it's obviously
not the best. I very rarely ever eat it anymore.
But back then (and this was about 15 years ago
when I was in University), I was eating it constantly.
Until
the day I moved out of the apartment I was living
in when the school year was done...
I always
cooked the bacon in the microwave thinking that
hey, it's a self-contained box. Even it spatters
a bit, I just clean out the inside and we're good
to go.
Then
I went to pack up my microwave...I lifted it up
and there underneath it was an inch-thick layer
of bacon fat congealed onto the counter with neat
little holes where the feet of the microwave were
and grill pattern from the bottom of the microwave.
Evidently
microwaves AREN'T fully sealed up and bacon fat
WILL find it's way out...and form art.
----
So
THAT is why I recommend you buy a cookbook written
by somebody other than me :)
Click
this link to check it out now...
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