Don't Blow Your Nose in the Water Fountain

By Nick Nilsson
Author of 30-Second Ab-Solution

We all know the general rules of the gym: don't drop the weights, wipe your sweat off the machines when you're done, etc.

But do you know all about the more "colorful", lesser known rules of the gym?

NOTE: These rules are JOKES! If you ever see any of these rules posted at any gym you ever go to, please take a picture for me!

1. Don't blow your nose in the water fountain.

This is a crude habit and can contribute to the spread of colds and viruses. Besides, that's what the gym towels are for...

2. No smoking on the cardio machines.

Those little circular thingies are water-bottle holders, not ashtrays. If you need a cigarette that badly when you're working out, tape one to the pulldown bar and take a drag on it as a reward for each rep you do.

3. When spotting someone on bench press, be sure to wipe your face first.

You are not a stalactite, and dripping sweat into someone's eye is not a good way to make friends.

4. If you choose to wear cologne or perfume to the gym, please don't marinate in it.

If the person on the stair machine next to you lights up a cigarette, you could both be seriously injured.

5. Those stands that have all the weight plates on them should not be used for holding your donuts.

Your donuts will end up with a terrible metallic taste that even the coffee in your water bottle won't be able to get out of your mouth.

6. The Crunch Machine is not a vending machine for candy bars.

Please don't try to put money into this machine. It's for working your abdominals. You will never, EVER get a Nestle's Crunch bar out of it.

7. Even though the gym has stair machines, it is not required by law to have elevator machines.

Please stop asking about this at the reception desk.

8. Pick up after your dog when you walk him on the treadmill.

No explanation necessary.

9. If you have a habit of spraying spit when you lift, ensure there is no one in your target area.

It's bad enough that the mirrors by the squat rack look like a St. Bernard shook himself in front of them.

10. Do not give yourself C.P.R. when doing bench presses.

Bouncing the bar heavily off your ribcage instead of pressing it properly may cause damage to the bar and voids the warranty on the bench. Besides that, you don't want your spotter feeling as though he's dribbling a barbell down the court do you?

11. Beer and/or liquor in your water bottle are prohibited.

Unless, of course, you bring enough for everybody. This also goes for mochaccinos, frappaccinos, and anything with an umbrella in it.

12. Use the rowing machine at your own risk.

If it sinks, there are no lifeguards on duty.

Following these rules to the best of your ability will ensure a pleasant exercise experience for everyone.

Thank you

Here are the REAL rules of the gym...

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